ThrowbackTexas Thursday? Throwback Pirate Thursday? I don't even know anymore.



"For reals. Say one more thing to me."

Remember way back in 1817 when Spain was like “oh hey, Jean Lafitte, remember how you pinkie promised that you would help us out if we looked the other way during all your pirate hijinks?” and Jean Lafitte was like “French people don’t pinkie promise.” And Spain was like “Yeah whatever. Anyway we need you to sail to Galveston and spy on the Mexicans.” And Lafitte was like “can I still be a pirate?” and Spain was like “yeah whatever. Just spy on those Mexicans.”

 

And Jean Lafitte sailed into Galveston and he was like “DADDY’S HOME BITCHES! All of you other leaders, GET! SHOO!” And then he developed an entire colony and a smuggling base and he basically just stopped spying on Mexicans to pirate it up full time? And anytime someone new moved in he was like “do you PINKIE PROMISE to be loyal to me?!” and they were like “I thought French people didn’t pinky promise.”

 

And he was like “SAY THE THING! THE THING WHERE YOU’RE LOYAL TO ME!”  and then then in 1821 the government was like “Hey. Can you get out of America? Like…all the way out. People are starting to notice that you’re still a pirate.” And then Jean Lafitte was like “I’m outie 3000 bitches” and he burned his settlement to the ground and left on his pirate ship with all his gold? And also he was the coolest  thing that ever happened to Galveston?