|"For reals. Say one more thing to me."|
And Jean Lafitte sailed into Galveston and he was like “DADDY’S HOME BITCHES! All of you other leaders, GET! SHOO!” And then he developed an entire colony and a smuggling base and he basically just stopped spying on Mexicans to pirate it up full time? And anytime someone new moved in he was like “do you PINKIE PROMISE to be loyal to me?!” and they were like “I thought French people didn’t pinky promise.”
And he was like “SAY THE THING! THE THING WHERE YOU’RE LOYAL TO ME!” and then then in 1821 the government was like “Hey. Can you get out of America? Like…all the way out. People are starting to notice that you’re still a pirate.” And then Jean Lafitte was like “I’m outie 3000 bitches” and he burned his settlement to the ground and left on his pirate ship with all his gold? And also he was the coolest thing that ever happened to Galveston?